What to do when your teen refuses therapy
Ontario-Wide Psychology Clinic | July 25, 2023
When you notice changes in your child, whether that be low mood, them isolating themselves, irritability, or changes in their eating patterns, it’s typical to worry. As most parents aren’t taught how to support someone who is struggling with their mental health, you might find yourself thinking that your child would benefit from working with a therapist. Unfortunately, not all teens who are struggling think they need help or are interested in participating in therapy, even though it could be helpful to them. If your teen falls into these categories, you might find yourself wondering ‘can I force my child to talk to a therapist? 'should I bribe my child to go to therapy?’ or ‘how can I convince my child to go to therapy?.’
As a parent, you can encourage your child to attend therapy appointments or provide incentives, but it’s important to keep in mind that attending an appointment will not guarantee that your child is truly participating in it (e.g., opening up with therapist, trying recommended strategies, etc). Keep reading if you want to know how to encourage your child how to truly participate in therapy and what you, as a parent, can do if they are not interested in doing so.
Can I force my child to go to therapy?
Therapy, as with many other forms of healthcare, is typically voluntary, assuming that your child is not considered to be at imminent risk of harm to themselves or others. There is no age of consent when it comes to therapy in Ontario; one’s ability to do so depends on their capacity to understand the risks and benefits of their participation in therapy. You can read more about consent in healthcare here.
While you cannot force your child to go to therapy, you can encourage them to attend.
How can I encourage my child to participate in therapy?
Many parents try to encourage their child to attend therapy by explaining all of the different ways in which could help and/or outlining all of the concerns that they feel need to be addressed. While this might work for some agreeable youth, it sometimes has the opposite effect on others and makes them less interested in trying therapy.
Before telling your child why he/she/they SHOULD participate in therapy, we often find it helpful to first validate all of the reasons why they might not want to do so. This could sound like…
“I hear you. You’re not sure about engaging in therapy because you don’t think it will work and because you think it’ll feel weird to share your personal info with a stranger.”
After you’ve validated their disinterest in therapy, fear of judgement, and/or hopelessness you can move to suggestions or planning. Continuing with our last example, this could should like…
“I hear you. You’re not sure about engaging in therapy because you don’t think it will work and because you think it’ll feel weird to share your personal info with a stranger. That makes total sense, let’s work together to find someone you can feel comfortable with so that there’s a better chance of it helping. I can call a few places - is there anything in particular that would make you more comfortable?”
You can also offer a reward, like going for ice cream after an appointment, knowing that it might be challenging for your child.
What do I do if my teen refuses to go to therapy?
If your teen is absolutely refusing to participate in therapy, you can consider seeking parent support instead. There is a plethora of research supporting the effectiveness of parent-led interventions, especially for difficulties like childhood anxiety. In parent-only sessions, you would work with a therapist on new ways of communicating with your child to help them better manage their emotions and actions you can do to encourage positives changes in your child (e.g., learning to reduce accommodations or increase praise). You can learn more about our parenting supports here.
Summary
If your child is not interested in therapy, you can encourage them to participate by validating their feelings and acknowledging the reasons why they’re not wanting to engage at this time. You can also learn ways to help your child by attending parent-only sessions with a therapist trained in interventions like EFFT or SPACE.