Signs of Anxiety in Children
Ontario-Wide Psychology Clinic | Written by: Dr. Felicia Chang, C. Psych. | July 17, 2023
When you notice changes in your child’s behaviour, you might find yourself wondering “is this normal?” or “should we be concerned?" Anxiety is expected and even helpful in some situations; we know many children and teens get nervous before presentations or tests and that often encourages them to practice/study, which can be a good thing. On the other hand, some kids experience feelings of anxiety that are too high for the situation and interfere with their ability to engage in activities that might be helpful or bring them joy. So you might be wondering, “what do kids do when they’re anxious?” Common indicators of anxiety in children include reassurance seeking, avoidance, and complaints of physical symptoms - like stomach aches or difficulty breathing. Read more below!
3 common signs of anxiety in children
Reassurance Seeking: Anxious children often have many worry thoughts that they’re not able to talk themselves out independently. Instead, they’ll often ask their parents, friends, and/or teachers questions to try to get reassurance that everything is OK in order to calm down and feel less anxious. For example, a child with separation anxiety, may ask their parent questions like “are you sure mom’s OK” or “how do you know it’s just traffic? what if something bad has happened?” when the other parent is a few minutes late coming home from work. Meanwhile, a child with social anxiety, might ask questions to ensure that no one is looking at them or that they haven’t made a mistake or social blunder.
Avoidance: One of the most common responses to anxiety-provoking situations is to avoid it. Think about it, if you’re scared of something, not doing it is one of the easiest ways to avoid feeling uncomfortable. Children and teens may state that they’re not just interested in something or that they’re too tired, so it can be hard to know if the avoidance is because of anxiety or genuinely due to a lack of interest. It can be helpful to talk about this with them if you suspect anxiety is involved and encourage them to try to participate in the feared situation (e.g., Jack, I can imagine pitching in front of the whole team at practice might be scary because you’re worried you’ll mess up and nobody is perfect the first time they do it. How about we just try a couple of throws at your next baseball practice?). Some children will exhibit anger of frustration when they’re asked to go out side of their comfort zone, and that’s a sign that we need to lessen our request to make it more manageable.
Tummy aches or other physical complaints: Anxiety can manifest in physical ways. Some children experience muscle tensions, stomachaches, headaches, increased heart rate, and/or shortness of breath. If you’re noticing that you child mentions these types of symptoms specifically in potentially anxiety-provoking situation, it’s quite possible that they’re feeling anxious rather than coming down with a cold or stomach bug.
How can I help my child with his/her anxiety?
Provide a safe, and judgement-free space for your child to share his/her fears. Anxiety and fears don’t always make sense, and while we might be tempted to laugh or tell them how silly it is to worry about that, we want to first make sure that they feel understood so they’ll continue to share and reach out for help.
Encourage your child to gradually challenge their anxiety (therapists call this exposure!). For example, if they’re scared to be home alone, perhaps have them stay in the house for a few minutes while you start the car and the stay alone for a few minutes while you’re over at the neighbour’s.
You can read about more strategies here. Some families also find it helpful to work with a therapist to learn more about anxiety and get specific recommendations for your child.
